the slinky, slimy
stomach knotting feeling
that won’t go away
heart convoluting palpitations
beginning at 2am
race, race, race of mind
getting nowhere fast
i can’t, i can’t, i can’t–!
screaming negatives
ping-pong in shrunken headspace
i’m not, i’m not, i’m not–!
wishing death
yet afraid to act
yet terrified to live
numbness
passion’s passivity
spirit trickling away
soaking into
deadened
ground…
isolation
i am alone
shame
i am too much
despair
will it ever end?
rinse, recycle, repeat
a different order each day
yet always the same
the sickness grows
you smile at loved people
through fogged-up window panes
them & you
them
you
they’d be so much better off without me
you are becoming a creature inhabiting strange skin
foreign entity forgetting former hope
floating, unattached–
STOP!
–YOU!–
you are here
ground is sturdy
roots go down, down, down
to Mother’s center
here
one breath in
one breathe out
here
stay in this moment
here is all you have
you are here
water flows within
cleansing stilted places
drink, drink, drink it in
mess settles into stillness
fire stirs will
& life stokes a battle
for heart’s bounty
to move up, up, up
the sky whispers
it will all be okay
hush now
stand tall
learn
the Rock is under you
holding you steady, steady
Photo by Adobe Stock/dell
