It starts as a sort of hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach
And spreads throughout your mind and body.
Then it’s above your head, crushing you with its heaviness.
It’s like you want to faint.
It’s like you to want to sit down on the ground and never get back up.
The Weight hovers over your head.
It bears down on you.
The Weight of sin, of darkness, of heartbreak.
The Weight of death. The Weight of loss.
The Weight of injustice.
The questions come.
The sadness comes.
The Weight will suck you in if you don’t keep walking
one foot in front of the other.
It could pull you in and crush your very life.
Day in and day out,
One foot in front of the other.
One foot in front of the other,
Day in and day out.
You keep moving, because if you don’t you’ll be crushed and pulled under.
So you walk, and you walk and you run, and you move quickly.
And you become addicted to interests and things and places,
Because if you let yourself stop for too long…
The hollowness in the pit of your stomach comes back
and it soon overtakes your whole body.
The Weight comes back.
So you run and run and run
and life becomes a blur
a blur you’re not sure you can ever recover from
and you exist
and you don’t let people get too close
because you know the deepest pains
of what it means to truly care about others
so you run, run, run
and you keep busy busy busy.
Because if you’re busy the Weight can’t crush you.
That’s what you think.
But in your busyness the Weight begins to overtake your heart.
In the keeping people away, you feel alone.
You are alone with the Weight.
No matter how fast you run, the Weight is INSIDE you.
There is no escaping it.
Day in and day out
the Weight eats away at you.
It destroys your health and your body and everything.
It kills your feelings and leaves you numb, numb, numb—
And suddenly, you want to die.
You want to die because then you’d escape the Weight.
The crushing Weight, the hollowness, the loss, the questions.
Life is not worth living with the Weight hanging over you, inside you.
If you could just die, the Weight would be lifted.
Death seems better than life.
And for a moment, you forget that the Weight is not a burden
that can be carried alone.
People must come alongside you to bear the load.
That there is only One who can truly carry the Weight.
So you must ask, ask those who can help to help.
Let them share your burdens,
Let them see your tears,
Let them feel your emotions…
Let them bring you laughter and joy and comfort.
Don’t let the Weight crush another victim.
Tonight, I’ve shared with you a creative writing piece I wrote a few months ago. It’s not exactly a poem. It’s just…thoughts running along the page.
I wrote this a few months ago when I was thinking about the crushing power of grief, loss, heartache, and how it can easily destroy. As I wrote about last week, I myself was almost crushed underneath the weight of my friend’s death. I almost gave up life. There was a moment when I contemplated suicide. Where I truly wanted death over life because everything seemed too hard.
The Weight of life can seem overwhelming at times. Although I’ve written about the Weight of death tonight, It can come in many forms and shapes. Heartbreak, death, depression, health issues, etc., etc., etc.
I’ve learned (and I’m still learning, let’s be honest), that when it seems overwhelming, that’s when we need each other the most. That’s when we need to reach out and ask for help, for prayer, for counseling, for medication, for whatever you need to help you overcome the Weight.
I know I can be prideful when it comes to pain. I don’t want anyone to know that I’m hurting. I’m ashamed of it. I hide it. And yet, sometimes, I just can’t anymore. I’ve got to have friends and family that I trust with the burden. I’ve also got to come to God and pour all my feelings at His feet, let Him carry the load.
So I guess..I would encourage whoever is reading this tonight and feels the Weight right now (because I know you’re out there reading this)…Don’t let it crush you. Don’t let the darkness take another victim. Reach out for help. Reach out to friends, family, God. (You can even reach out to me, if you’d like, because I’ve been there).
Don’t give up. There is life just around the corner. You can heal–but you can’t do it alone. Life is not lived alone.
Let others help carry the Weight.
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” [Matthew 11:38-39 NLT]