This very day marks the six month anniversary of my Kindred Spirit’s death.
“How are you?” people ask me (though it isn’t often anymore). It’s a tough question to answer. I don’t cry as much as I did.
Sometimes, I just wish life would end. But that’s on a really bad day.
On the good days, I see how fragile and heartbreaking and beautiful and precious life is. And I simply want to live with everything in me so that when my time comes, I’ll go running into the next life without any regrets.
(Today is a bad day, just in case you were wondering. Need some prayer.)
Yet my friend is running right now.
I wrote about the dream I had about six years ago during my senior year in high school when everything went south in my life. Back then, I didn’t know if I could make it through all the pain. And one night, I dreamed that I was running through a vast field of golden flowers. There were these sweeping mountains around me. There is nothing I can do to describe how beautiful it was. And my heart was throbbing with a joy I have never experienced on earth. I was running, running through this field and singing with everything in me like a child. When I woke up, my heart still throbbed with that joy for a moment.
And I thought, “That is what heaven is like.”
A week after my friend died, I was having a quiet time with God, crying and trying so hard to worship Him through the tears. During this time, I got this very vivid vision of my friend.
She was clothed in white, her hair was long and thick and dark, and she was running. Running through a vast field of golden flowers.
And the mountains soared around her.
She is lost in God’s country.
She is exploring Love.
She will never stop growing and knowing.
She is healed and whole.
How can I want her back? It’s selfish to want her back, and I knew it when I had that vision. She is so happy and free now.
Oh, I just miss her. I want to share with her the music I’m listening to and the books I’m reading and the thoughts I’m thinking. I want her to visit me in Colorado and explore the mountains, like we’d dreamed of doing. Strange, but I even want to talk to her about her death. I want to have just ONE more conversation where I can tell her all I’ve been learning through the pain and tears, all God is teaching me through it all.
Yes, I miss her.
But I do rejoice for her.
This artwork was a way to rejoice with her. I’ve worked on it since January. Last night, I finished it to commemorate the six month anniversary. Every time I felt like dying inside with grief, I’d get this project out and work on it. I’d paint what I saw in that vision. I drew hope and strength from the truth that my friend IS. She has not ceased. She is. And she is laughing and reveling in the joy of heaven.
My dear Kindred Spirit, run on.
And when I get there, we’ll run together.
Featured photo from Adobe Stock/aaron_huang86