I wrote this poem about a week after Becca’s funeral (November 9th, 2012). I shared it on my blog last year, but I wanted to re-post it tonight. It goes so well with the post that’s going up on Thursday night.
Over the last year, I went through a season of Winter. It lasted quite a long time. Grief was a dark thing. I often wondered if I could ever, ever recover.
Let’s acknowledge that sometimes, no matter how much I loved God and trusted Him, sometimes…I felt bleak. I felt destroyed and lifeless because of the evil and pain I’d faced with the death of my friend. It was as if death had not only taken my friend, but all the beauty and hope of life with her.
I Feel Bleak
I feel bleak.
Bleak like a naked branch
in the middle of winter’s frost.
So bare, so dead-looking,
in the middle of night’s coldness.
I wonder.
Will I ever bloom again?
Will the green-budding blooms
slowly and gradually grow
again into life-giving, vibrant leaves?
I wander.
Will I ever grow again?
Will the world still seek my soothing shade
as I whisper comfort from the wind’s voice?
Or will I sit here naked forever
underneath these same trees?
I wonder.
I wander.
I feel bleak.
[11-15-12]
